It’s safe to say that your child will have tantrums sometimes, even often. Tantrums in early childhood are part of growing up. At first, it may be difficult for you to predict when these emotional outbursts will occur, but over time, you will find that you are brewing a tantrum. Read on to learn what signs to look out for, what to do if you’re having a tantrum and how to prevent another tantrum in the future.
Explanation of Tantrums in Young Children
Tantrums in young children are a normal part of emotional development in early childhood – it is a common reaction in young children when faced with conflict. Even if you, as a parent, simply enforce the rules or do something to keep your child safe, your child may see it as an all-out battle.
They may emphatically say “No! Then start yelling, which may include falling to the floor, kicking, thumping fists. Some toddlers even hold their breath when they lose their temper. All this may seem like an act to you, but in reality, it is the result of an internal conflict.
Your child is becoming more independent and can now do more things without your help, including eating, dressing, and perhaps using the potty. However, when told not to do something, it will be difficult for young children to understand why their precious independence is suddenly restricted.
Because it is difficult for young children to verbalize their thoughts, the easiest way to vent frustration or disappointment is to lose your temper. These outbreaks are rarely dangerous, although they can often make you unpleasant, especially when they occur in public.
Know that your child’s tantrum behavior is not a reflection of your parenting skills, and try not to blame yourself. Also, tantrums are usually not an indication that your child has serious emotional problems. So, rest assured, this is a typical stage of a child’s development.
At What Age Do You Start Throwing Tantrums?
Almost every child has occasional tantrums, especially between the ages of 2 and 3. This period is often referred to as the “terrible two-year-old”. However, this does not mean that your child will only have tantrums at the age of 2 or most at the age of 2, as tantrums may occur either before or after. Each child has a unique temperament and develops at a different rate.
How Tantrums Are Different in Young Children
The intensity of a child’s tantrums may vary depending on their temperament and personality:
- If your child is easy-going and adaptable, they may just say “no” and walk away, easily distracted by other things
- If your child has been active and persistent since infancy, they may lose their temper as a result, resulting in kicking and screaming on the floor.
Foresee a Short Temper
Since you know your child better than anyone, you will most likely be able to foresee that your child is about to lose his temper. The following are signs of an imminent or escalating temper:
- Your child may seem more contemplative or irritable than usual
- They may be tired, lonely, or even hungry
- After trying something they weren’t allowed to do or couldn’t do due to restrictions (such as playing with toys suitable for older kids), they can become whimpering, whining, or demanding
- They start crying, and everything you do is not comforting or even distracting them
- Crying can turn into arms waving and kicking, and your child may eventually fall to the ground and may even hold their breath.
When and Why Tantrums Usually Occur
You may notice that your child will only start to lose his temper when you are present or when other family members are present. But your child will rarely lose his temper in front of someone he doesn’t know. No matter how ironic it may seem, your child trusts you enough that he will lose his temper in front of you.
Tantrums may be because your child is trying to test your limits and see how far they can push them. However, when you don’t give in to their wishes, they will lose their temper.
After a child has a tantrum, they may feel tired and fall asleep easily. After taking a break, your child may feel as if tantrums never happened – your child may now be calm and pleasant. However, that doesn’t mean they won’t get frustrated and explode again anytime soon, especially if the family is stressful.
Tantrums tend to occur more frequently when young children are playing
- Anxious
- Sick
- Fatigued
- Grumpy
- Under pressure at home
Coping with Your Child’s Temper
No matter where or how long a toddler’s tantrum occurs, dealing with a toddler’s tantrum can be a challenge as a parent. The following strategies, along with a lot of patience and foresight, may help you and your child.
Tantrums at home
One way to cope with this behavior at home is to think of tantrums as a show. In this “show”, your child is performing in front of you. How do you stop performing? The audience, that is, you, must leave.
What to do: During an episode, leave the room (as long as you don’t jeopardize your child’s safety by leaving them alone). If they stalk you, you can put them in the playroom or call a timeout. If your child exhibits a physical altercation, i.e., an attempt to hit, kick or bite, call a timeout immediately.
Throwing tantrums in public
Toddlers are uncomfortable enough to lose their temper at home, but what about when they lose their temper in public? Obviously, you can’t leave your kids alone in the supermarket aisle or playground.
The best solution is to calmly get your child out of the situation. Take them to the bathroom, your car, or another place away from other people so that the tantrum can end in private. Another option is to restrain them with a big hug, which may stop them from erupting. Next, talk to them in a quiet, soothing tone.
When the Tantrum Ends
Once your child’s temper is over, you can move on. If the tantrum is due to something you tell your child to do, repeat the request calmly and firmly; Over time, they will realize that performing again will not have any effect.
If your child tends to hold their breath and pass out near the end of a tantrum, it is important to protect them until they wake up after about 30 to 60 seconds. But resist the urge to overreact, as this reaction may exacerbate your child’s breath-holding and fainting episodes. Acting as if it’s not a big deal, this behavior may go away over time.
12 Ways to Manage And/Or Prevent Tantrums in Young Children
You know your child better than anyone else, which means you know what might trigger an outbreak, so you can predict problems even before they happen. Having a proper strategy in place ahead of time can help reduce and sometimes prevent full-blown tantrums.
Unfortunately, there is no foolproof way to prevent or even stop every tantrum in your child. However, there are steps you can take to help reduce the frequency, and even duration and intensity of these events.
Here are some guidelines to help you determine what to do when your child has a tantrum. See what works for you and your child. Once you’ve figured something out, it’s a good idea to share your strategy with other caregivers, such as babysitters or grandparents. Try one, some or all of the following to deal with a tantrum in your toddler:
Scenes that are expected to trigger tantrums. Young children usually have patterns. For example, when you go out grocery shopping, you may always lose your temper. Be aware of any situations that could trigger an outbreak and plan around them. For example, the next time you go shopping, you may want to leave your child in the care of a babysitter.
Pay attention to your child’s mood and energy levels. Toddlers who are too tired, too anxious, or too depressed can easily lose their temper. If your child is still napping, observe the usual nap time; If your child is past the napping phase, be quiet every day. This can be lying quietly or reading a book together, but not playing or talking. Taking a break can prevent your child from becoming too tired, which can lead to tantrums.
Adopt a gentle and disciplined approach. Being too strict or being too accommodating with your child may cause your child to have more frequent or severe tantrums. At this stage of your child’s development, it’s best to have fewer rules and restrictions, but be firm and consistent in their implementation.
Use an inviting and reassuring tone. When asking your child to do something, such as putting away a toy, speak in a friendly manner and try to phrase your instructions as requests rather than commands as much as possible. Just as you want to teach your child good manners, such as saying “please” and “thank you”, you also want to imitate this behavior when you speak.
Avoid overreacting. Sometimes, your child may say “no” to anything. When this happens, calmly repeat any requests you may make – don’t argue or punish your child for answering “no”.
Choose your battle. Unless it’s really worth arguing with your child about an issue, don’t force or provoke them. For example, safety is a top priority, so buttoning up to a car seat is non-negotiable, but it may be okay to let them go to the store in their favorite pajamas. For example, if you ask your child to put away a toy and they don’t want to, you might offer to help. This helps to defuse the conflict.
Avoid bribery and transactions. If your child goes to bed on time, give them a reward, or make a deal that if they behave well during the shopping process, they will be given an ice cream cone, which will only teach them to break the rules, not follow them.
Limit your selections. If possible, it’s good to give your child some options, as this can give them a sense of control, but limit the choices to two options you can live with, such as which bedtime story to read at night, or what color t-shirt to wear (red or blue). This constrained independence can have a positive impact on future interactions.
Try to hold your child or distract your child. Gently restraining your child with a tight hug or saying things like “look at the puppy over there” may help stop him from throwing tantrums.
Try to inject some fun and humor. Sometimes, you can use humor to turn the argument around so that it doesn’t turn into a big tantrum. When you ask your child to pick up his toy, try to make a grimace or if they don’t want to brush their teeth, tell them you’re running to the bathroom. This works in many situations, but it’s not optimal when your child is tired or irritable.
Establish a suspension. If none of the above options seem to work, you may consider giving your child some alone time to calm down and regain their strength. This obviously works better if you’re at home. You can start using pause as early as 18 to 24 months of age, but this method is best for 3- and 4-year-olds because they’re old enough to understand why they should pause. Here’s how to do the timeout:
- Let your child sit in a quiet place
- Briefly explain why their behavior is unacceptable and tell them that of course you still love them
- Once they have quieted down, end the pause
- Briefly repeat what they did wrong and let them know what behavior you expect to behave next time.
Reward good behavior with praise. Pay attention to your child’s performance and reward their behavior by praising them, hugging, kissing, and spending time together. You can do something as simple as sit down and read a book together. As long as you have a child in your company, you can send a positive signal.